Grief in Children
By mati. Filed in Life |Tags: processing grief
Children are so much more natural than we are, and we have so much to learn from the way they live their lives. Recently, my husband’s brother died at 46. He came to visit us a couple of months ago, and I immediately knew that he was dying. So, I told both my kids that I sensed what was coming, and that I had to share it with them because I don’t believe in lying or hiding the truth from children, and I thought it would be better for them to be prepared. They were both sad at first, but then we talked about the cycle of life and death, and I told them that death has to be accepted as well as life, and that we must never ask for more time than we are given because that is not in the nature of things. When the time is up, we go – it is as simple as that.
My daughter loved her uncle – he was her favorite person ever, so I was worried about how she would handle it when he passed. But, I had no reason to worry! When it actually happened, I went to my daughter and told her I had something to tell her. She looked at me and said “my uncle Pete passed away, didn’t he?” Yes, he did. Good thing it happened so fast. I know how horrible it is to be sick. If his body was too broken to be fixed, it is better he moved on. Can I go back and play now? Sure…
It blew me away. Even though she loved him and wanted him to hang around forever, she was happy for him that his suffering was over. How mature is that of a 9 year old??? Amazing…
I knew that it would probably take some time for the facts to sink in, and I was right. That evening, we snuggled up on her bed, and she cried and remembered and talked about all the things that she remembered, and things they had done together. Then, she remembered the toys her uncle had given to her, and she wanted to sleep with her toy seal so that she could connect to her uncle through her seal. The next day she took her seal with her to school, and she told everyone why she was carrying her seal around.
It so happened that it was “drug free week” at school, and her uncle had basically died so early because he was using too many prescription drugs given to him by his doctor. So, she got to tell everyone the story of her uncle’s death from using drugs. Everyone listened to her story, and she felt great when she got home from school.
Today, I noticed that the seal had gotten a new name – it is now named Pete, and Pete went to school with her today. So, there is no need to feel disconnected, even though Pete left his body. Pete is with her still!!! So simple and so beautiful! I’m so proud of her!
This is how simple life can be when we don’t carry any old emotional sludge with us that drags us down. We have to learn to become like children again. They are so innocent, and that innocence allows them to deal with anything that happens in their lives in a totally natural way….
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