Life Changes

It has been a life changing week for me, on many levels. I just went from Zumba queen to cripple in a matter of minutes!

Let me start with the beginning – about 4 years ago, a huge, Japanese Taiko drum fell on my right toe and totally crushed it, ripped the nail out and broke it off completely (into 3 bits!). The doc said it was the worst toe injury he had ever seen. After stubbornly refusing surgery and curing the damage with homeopathic remedies (he still calls me a walking miracle – and a major pain in the butt), the nail came back nicely.

A year later, I stubbed my toe (the same one of course) so hard that it was bleeding at the bottom, and after that, the nail turned thicker and thicker, and really dark, and started growing out diagonally instead of straight.

This week I decided that enough is enough, and went back to the foot doc to see what he could do about the nail. He took one look at it, and told me it had to come off!!! I instantly felt sick to my stomach, desparately looking for a better solution, but when no better solution presented itself, I had to reluctantly agree, and he took my nail off!!!

I’m still in shock. Now it feels like someone has been hacking on my toe with a big hammer, I can barely walk on it, I can’t use any shoes, and IT HURTS!!! So, no more Zumba for me for a while. I feel traumatized…

Anyway, I firmly believe that every thing that happens to the body has something to do with unresolved mental issues. So, I started googleing – meaning of big toe… I found an Indian toe reading site that said that the big right toe has to do with expression of joy. Very interesting – I used to really enjoy Taiko drumming, until the day when my teacher insisted that I played a drum that I intuitively knew I shouldn’t play. He wouldn’t hear any arguments, and plopped the drum on the stand in front of me, and the next thing I knew, the drum tipped over and crushed my toe. And, needless to say, I haven’t enjoyed Taiko since…

Then I did the numerology on “thick toenail” and it added up to 55/1. Five has to do with being too rigid (thick nail) or too flexible (no nail at all), and 55 has to do with an imbalance between rigidity and flexibility, in other words, not knowing where to draw the line, or when to say yes or no to something, so boundary issues…

If I had had clear boundaries in the first place, and basically refused to play the drum and stuck to my guns, the drum wouldn’t have fallen on my toe in the first place. It was my wishy washy attitude that caused the whole problem.

The loss of the toenail has slowed me down to the point where I actually have time to ponder the whole issue, and practice drawing lines. Yesterday, somebody called at the most inconvenient time, and I was actually able to say to him that it wasn’t a good time. It is amazing how difficult it is to say no to people! But if my gut feeling is saying one thing, and I don’t listen, and go against it, the consequences can be severe!

I believe that we are here to learn from everything that happens to us, and if we don’t learn, the body will suffer sooner or later. Right now, I’m in a one year, which is new beginnings. I pray that this whole nail issue will be like a new beginning for me, where I will no longer have unclear boundaries with the rest of the world. I’m grateful for the lessons…

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